Abandon Ship or Adapt?

As a pastor, I met many people at the door after worship each Sunday. One particular Sunday stands out as a memorable one. A member of our church introduced me to a pastor he brought to church with him.

“I told my church that if we had one more problem,” he said, “I would leave. We had one more problem and I left.” I was initially surprised by his honesty. Upon further reflection, the majority of Christian leaders identify with him. We deal with a similar urge.

The nature of Christian ministry makes it demanding work. Most Christian leaders wear many hats. Add the expectations of others, and serving is not easy. Factor in other variables of ministry and you have the perfect recipe for frustration. What do you do when you can't take anymore? The solution often is to abandon ship.

There is another answer: Adapt to the situation at hand. Some problems that appear unsolvable are not so. Learn, instead, to adjust your conflict-handling style to cope with the circumstances. On occasion leadership must change. More often, however, a transformation needs to occur within the leader. Drs. Kenneth O. Gangel and Samuel L. Canine make this observation in Communication and Conflict Management in Churches and Christian Organizations: "We can best find the source of human relations problems by looking in a mirror, not across the counseling desk."

Conflict is normal in life and ministry. Speed Leas observed in his consulting practice with churches that the pastor’s interpersonal competence was the subject of 46% of the cases. What can we learn from this? Christian leaders frequently deal with differences and disputes.

When faced with conflict, occasionally I respond in an unsuitable manner. I reach the boiling point. My chest tightens, my face turns red and I might raise my voice. Is this healthy? Not usually. Instead, I can learn to adapt to the challenges I face daily in ministry.

One way to adapt is to stop avoiding conflict. Unfortunately, problems don’t usually disappear by themselves. Issues need to be faced and problems solved. This is a fact of life. The sooner issues are addressed, the faster things will quiet down.

Compromise is sometimes necessary. "Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others" (Philippians 2.4). Those who lead from time to time find this easier said than done. Since we work with others, we should seek to negotiate intelligently.

Because most serve in ministry voluntarily, fitting in is important. We nurture this by encouraging others to participate. Most people like their opinions and suggestions to be considered. Understanding this helps us to be tolerant of other viewpoints.

Strong leaders, however, frequently find it difficult to balance assertiveness with sensitivity. As a result, while attempting to move the ministry forward, they alienate others with their over-bearing personality. Learning to balance boldness with compassion strengthens this leadership style.

Collaborating with others is another means of adapting. This simply means to work together. In the New Testament, Paul referred to many as his co-laborers. He knew the value of serving with others. His ministry grew stronger when others shared in the effort. He realized that God's plan included working as a team, and not alone.

We face tremendous challenges in life and ministry. How we handle them determines whether we will abandon ship or adapt. As we manage conflict in a healthful manner, we glorify Christ. May God grant the wisdom needed to face today’s challenges in a way that honors Him.